


Now

by ElizaXSpears



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Death, Drama, Longing, M/M, Romance, Sadness, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 16:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9615764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizaXSpears/pseuds/ElizaXSpears
Summary: There was so much space now. He never realized how big this house was until he was the only one living in it.





	

There was so much space now. He never realized how big this house was until he was the only one living in it. Without the distraction from work, he’d come home to an empty flat, kick off his shoes, hang up his coat then sit quietly on the sitting room couch. Occasionally, he’d hear the phantom sounds of rustling in the kitchen; dinner being prepared despite his complaining about wanting ‘them’ time so they could order out. Sometimes he’d swear he’d even hear the familiar, “Dinner and don’t make me tell you to wash up. I’m not your mother, you know.” Sometimes, he’d ‘forget’ just to see him annoyed. A few kisses always made that look disappear. Now, he had no reason to even pretend. It was just him; only him. No kiss could reverse anything that happened.

His dinner of a microwaved meal was lonely. Normally across from Ronald, he would sit, eating whatever dinner he made with elegant hand motions that made Ronald swear there was some royal blood coursing through his veins. “Nothing of the sort,” was always the reply followed by, “I’ve just raised myself on proper etiquette.” then he’d smirk just the littlest bit when Ronald nearly shoved the food into his mouth. Now, there was no point in finishing a meal quickly or showing the cook how appreciative of the flavours he was. Now, he just sat there poking and prodding at the bland meal; everything was bland, even his favourites.

The home was so cold, he didn’t bother turning the thermostat up, even on the coldest nights. Cold was a key word in describing the reaper he no longer could cherish warming up. Now, all he had were empty suits and clothes that only fit his certain build. Ronald had tried to wear a few of his suits just to get the scent of the man but they were either too big or too small on certain parts of the body. Sometimes the shirt restricted his breathing, other times the jacket swallowed him.

Passing the office, his eyes scanned the room, always hoping he’d see him at the desk, working diligently away on paperwork Ronald forced him to bring him because he hated his overtime schedule. When work was brought home, Ronald would make a warm cup of tea for the man followed by a massage that worked all the stress from his hunched shoulders and too straight of back. Now, he’d enter the office to sit in the cold leather chair. In front of him, skewed across the desk, were forms and papers that would never be finished. Not even the ice cold cup of half drank tea would be ever be touched again.

The bedroom was the worst part of this house now. Whenever Ronald ended up working late, he’d always come home to the bed already warmed by his lover he was still amazed he was able to court. The so called untouchable man was sharing a bed with him, not only that, he’d smile. That little action alone made Ronald run into the room, jump on the bed and embrace the man, always knocking the book he was reading from his hands or lap. In return, he’d keep Ronald pulled close to his chest, the welcome home hug always lasting longer then it should have whenever Ronald would be soaked through from the rain or freezing from the snow. Now, there was none of that. Now, there was only an empty bed; an empty bed that Ronald found so hard to sleep in.

Dressing down into his lovers pyjamas that would otherwise no longer see use, he reluctantly climbed under the covers and pressed up against his side of the bed. Any scent of the man that wove its way into the sheets and pillow was all but gone now, leaving Ronald with the ghost of the man laying beside him. Now, he would break down. His arms encircled his lovers pillow, pulling it close so he could bury his face into it and scream. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t how his ideal relationship was supposed to go. He’d finally gotten the man he’d longed for only to have him be taken away not even a year into their relationship. He would have preferred if they just broke up, at least then Ronald could still see him.

Screams turned to sobs, his arms suffocating the pillow. He begged to anyone listening, anyone, to bring him back, to take Alan instead. He knew it was awful to say but he’d regret it in the morning, when he was done wallowing in self-pity. Or maybe he wouldn’t. He’d grown a distaste for the ‘Slingphries’ couple, seeing them so infatuated with each other while he cried himself to sleep.

Sniffling, he threw the pillow away only to turn on his own and take out even more of his frustration by pounding his fists into it. Everything just suddenly came to a head and he grew so damn angry, he just wanted this to be Eric or Grell or Alan or anyone so he could make them feel what he was. 

He broke down again, strength leaving him. His hands supported his weary body, his breaths coming out in shutters. Closing his eyes, he begged someone to just give Ronald one more minute with him.

Arms carefully encircled around him, strong arms that only belonged to one man. The familiar scent of his cologne wafted under Ronald’s nose, a pressure to the back of his head let him now he was resting his forehead there. “Will…?” There was no reply, only a tighter squeeze.He was shaking, his hands reaching up to press against forearms that felt so real. His hands ran up and down the familiar black suit jacket, shaking harder feeling wetness hit the back of his neck. He was crying too. “William…I-”

“I know.” it was so quiet, Ronald hardly heard it if not for his lips brushing the shell of his ear.

Sobs again wracked his body as he wanted nothing more then to turn around and embrace the man but something told him, William would go if he did. Instead, he sat there, eyes closed as he treasured; imprinted into his memory, how William’s arms felt around. Tight but not suffocating, warm but not burning, caring but not desperate…loving and nothing else.

Now, was his only chance to say goodbye, to tell William everything that was bubbling up in his chest ready to explode but all that came out was a choked, broken, breath. “I’ll be here.” he heard William reassure him. “I’ll be here, watching over you.” he was given anther squeeze. “Always.”

Knowing that was a goodbye, Ronald spun around, determined to see William one last time; William was Eric and Alan and Grell. He blinked, staring at Alan who looked so cornered and worried, his arms sliding off Ronald’s shoulders to gently grip his biceps. “Ronald?”

There was nothing he could say. All the things he wanted to shout at them, all the ways he wanted to hurt them, fled. Instead, he dropped into Alan, hugging him tight and crying into his shoulder. Instantly, Alan’s arms were around him followed by Grell then Eric reaching around to hug the three of them. Alan’s fingers drifted through the back of his hair, Grell’s hand ran over his back in soothing circles and Eric just held them tight, a promise of protection.

Now, Ronald hated himself for the pain he wished upon them.

Now, he remembered he had friends who cared. 

Now, he had no regrets.

Now, he knew Ronald would never be alone.

Now, he could finally rest.

 

_“I’ll be here. Always.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Another one-shot done at 3:30 in the morning. I really need to pick better times to write these.


End file.
